Monday, May 21, 2007

The (W)rap-up: Barn Elms '07 tournament

It's the Dazzler RAP
We're where it's AT
We're the team that put Finsbury…
On the MAP!
But last Saturday we headed south-of-the-BORDER
For a full day tournament made to ORDER
It started out with a helluva GAME
Against a team that's always changing its NAME
Are they Common People, or maybe the COMETS?
Or is it Glove Me Tender? Oh damn I wish they'd STOP IT
But whatever they're called it's a fantastic FEUD
Whenever we take the field against Rich and his CREW
In this one we jumped ahead nine to FOUR
For a 60 minute game that's a pretty safe SCORE
But then out at shortstop I lost my BRAIN
Totally forgot how to play this GAME
Four bad errors on four ground BALLS
And before you knew it there's no lead at ALL
And then the umpire said sorry my FRIENDS
But it's one minute 'til no new innings and then this game ENDS
We rushed up to bat hopin' to get LUCKY
And Slammy clouted one halfway to KENTUCKY
So then we wuz clinging and clawing like THIEVES
To a skimpy little sorry-looking one run LEAD
And still no time to chill in this race against the CLOCK
We had to get them out in 7 minutes or we iz in the DOCK
If they stay alive that long then the score will REVERT
And after all that happened such a loss would HURT
Then before you knew it they got the bases FULL
On every bag is one of those Common pee-PUL
With two outs, just seconds left, up stepped their final HITTER
Ohmigawd, I thought, now we're really in the SH***ER
He hit a hard grounder which Sam grabbed at SHORT
Like one of the ones that I shoulda CAUGHT
He tossed it to Jen at third to WIN IT
A glorious nail biting f****r of a FINISH
Isaac said it will go down in the history of the SPORT
But it woulda been impossible if I hadn't sucked at SHORT
After that we lost two one-run GAMES
But we played real hard so we ain't ASHAMED
Then the quarter final against Raiders Gold, Red (or BLUE?)
Which one of their three teams - I never KNEW
We played tough battled hard tried our BEST
Yet we finished down by two in that con-TEST
But you won't believe this one MATE
That meant no trophy but a chance for the PLATE
I know it's hard to fathom but I swear it's TRUE
It's a great system in Chiswick every team goes THROUGH
Makes up for that 'buy back' rule and balls of different SIZE
One for the girls and one for the GUYS
So anyway next I had to PITCH
My man Isaac made the SWITCH
I grooved it in for strike after STRIKE
Do you need one now? I'll throw as many as you LIKE
And 'course we went through to the very next ROUND
Because now we had our ace out on the MOUND
But who did we draw for the Final for that coveted PLATE?
Yup, that very same team that we love to HATE
Glove-Me-Comets of Clapham FAME
The name makes no difference it's all the SAME
It means a tough game a fight to the END
Even if we drive each other round the BEND
And sure enough this one didn't disap-POINT
For 7 tough innings we both rocked the JOINT
Going into the seventh we wuz down by only ONE
But that's when they decided to ruin all the FUN
The floodgates opened for a massive RALLY
I think eight runs was the final TALLY
And when the dust had finally CLEARED
They had confirmed our worst FEARS
We wuz down we wuz clobbered it turned into a ROUT
But they played hard and deserved to pull this one OUT
And we still got medals and a trophy from Tina what a DEAR
Then we went for to the Ship for a couple of BEERS
My hat is off to those Dazzlers, and Dazzler-ETTES
Yo all you guys are simply the BEST
A shout for my Hebrew sista Karen GURVIS
'Carn the Dazzlers!!!' at your SERVICE
Amy Davies snared a line drive ROCKET
A Missile hit by a Comet as hard as he could SOCK IT
Nicole Pocock – she's from Down UNDER
When she pokes that ball it makes the sound of THUNDER
My homey Mikey from my 'HOOD
Catching flies in left like a New York boy SHOULD
Slambo, he loves our medals, with their ribbons blue and RED
Sarah said he wears it in the shower and even to BED
My man Robbo, he is si-CIL-I-AN
So I ain't gonna dis' him, do you know what trouble I'D BE IN??
Isaac is from Canada but nobody's PERFECT
I could say more but I might get my ass KICKED
Timmo is a man who likes a Jack and COKE
He's a very friendly sort of BLOKE
Jen's been off a year but she played like a STAR
Laced a few liners that left our mouths AJAR
Sarah played hard hit the cover off the BALL
You would never know she's hardly played at ALL
And she and Sam brought their cute little PUP
For one day he got to be the team masCOT
And then there is Tania who organised the DAY
Yo girl thanks so much what can I SAY?
We even saw Coombsie and ole Ca-PELL
Aw gee that sure was groovy just really SWELL
Anyway if you was wonderin' why this ain't PROSE
Well here is the story here's how it GOES
After all you losers left for HOME
And me, Isaac and Tania was all ALONE
We wuz chillin' we wuz riffin' we had a real cool TIME
And we started busting out some dazzlin' RHYMES
But now it's Sunday and I'm aching all OVER
Plus my throbbing head's telling me I shoulda stayed SOBER….!

Simon shrugs:
yo guys some of you are gonna think I
have now finally completely and utterly lost it, but here is a
write-up with a bit of a difference.....

and just for your
information, most of this came to me late last nite and I finished it up
just now (don't want none of you thinkin' I spent all day on a lovely
Sunday afternoon like some SADDO sitting composing rhymes for you sorry so
and so's...)

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